Med Show (Thursday)

Last night was the first performance of Med Show (a comedy show put on by all the Med students at UofA as a fund raiser for grad). This show consists of a series of short skits, much like Saturday Night Live. The first show was definately a hit. It was absolutely hillarious. I think the first years and the fourth years had the best material, but it was non-stop laughs for over 3 hours. Here's the script from our first skit:


Random Boner Prevention Device

Buddy: (walking towards Main while looking at and touching sweatpants) These Med sweatpants are great! The material is so soft against my skin.

Main: Yeah, they’re sweet but I still don’t feel comfortable wearing sweatpants in public. Aren’t YOU worried about getting an RB?

Buddy: RB?

Main: You know, RB, Random Boners: the one’s that pop out of nowhere. And this soft material isn’t gonna hold anything down. So embarrassing.

Buddy: Oh Yeah, they always happen at the worst times.

(main and buddy do pondering motions)

[lights off us]

[lights on 1^st boner scene on Stage R]

Sister: Hey, grandma’s coming over for supper

Brother: Yay! (gets boner, accompanied by slide whistle)

[lights off]

[lights on 2^nd boner scene on Stage R]

Babysitter Requester: Can you babysit my daughter tonight? She’s five.

Babysitter Boner: I would love to. (gets boner, accompanied by slide whistle)

[lights off]

[lights on 3^rd boner scene on Stage R]

Lifeguard: (blows whistle) Everybody out of the pool!

Pool Boner Guy: (looks down at boner) Oh shit. (hangs head and walks out Stage R) [lights off]

[lights back on Main and Buddy]

Buddy: Oh god! I totally forgot.

[salesman walks in Stage L]

Salesman: Sorry to interrupt but I think I have a solution.

Main: What are you talking about?

Salesman: It’s a Random Boner Management Device. It’s good for RB’s, Random boners AND HGIB’s, Hot Girl Induced Boners.

Main and Buddy: Yeah, HELLO!! (high five eachother)

Buddy: So how does it work?

Salesman: Well, how about I just demonstrate it on one of you guys.

Main: (looks at Buddy and then to Salesman) Sure.

Salesman: First, your penis goes into the penis holder. (sales man puts on penis holder but does not remove hands from Main’s pants). The string that is attached to the penis holder runs up the back, like this (runs string up Main’s back). It then attaches to the cap. (clips string to cap). When you start to have a boner, the string will become taut. This is the signal for you to use you neck muscles to keep your little buddy down.

Main: That makes sense.

Salesman: OK. Let’s test it out. GIRLS! Phase 1.

[2 Hot girls walk on Stage R]

GIRLS: Hello big boy (waves to Main)

Salesman: So, is it working so far?

Main: (head slightly tilted back) Yes, but my neck is getting a little bit sore.

Salesman: Yes, it will do that. Alright. GIRLS! Phase 2.

[First part of song “Satisfaction” turns on]

(2 hot Girls strip)

[Music off]

Salesman: What about now?

Main: (head tilted back a lot) This is great! I don’t think I have a boner! Now no one will stare at me like I’m a freak.

Salesman: Ok, then. Final test. GIRLS! Phase 3.

[Lights off Main, Buddy and Salesman]

[Rest of girls enter stage R, Lights on Girls, Main part of song “Satisfaction” Starts]

(Girls perform choreographed dance routine)

[Girls pull Main into spotlight]

(Girls dance around Main)

[Music simultaneously, GIRLS walk off stage R]

(Main on ground with neck flexed back)

Buddy: Oh my god, I think it broke his neck.

Salesman: Yeah, but no boner (points at mains groin area)

[Scene out]